“I am not what happened to me; I am what I choose to become.” Carl JungOct 15th, 2012 | By maria | Category: Uncategorized
In the light of the recent news events and emerging story of abuses occurring at the hands of people put into positions of trust, people with a privileged standing in society, and revered by many for their ‘personality’, as seen on television. I want to focus instead on the countless survivors of this kind of abuse. It happens in every walk of life, can happen to anyone, and can reverberate through the life of the ‘victim’ for a life-time.
However, this article exists, in some small way, to reach out to those that are suffering each and every time they watch a news segment, they may be suffering in silence, having never spoken of their experiences – they may feel they are on their own road to recovery, but this high profile case will effect them, get under their skin, make them relive their own history – others still will have found peace and simply hope that others can find their way to healing and happiness.
This is from one of my authors, Dawn Paul, who specialises in healing the effects of Sexual Abuse. I hope that in some small way it may touch a life for the better.
Healing The Effects of Sexual Abuse
Have you or someone you know been affected by Sexual Abuse? In my healing practice over the years I have seen many clients who have suffered sexual abuse in one form or another, either as a small child or an adult. Predominantly of course, most of those clients have been female, but males are also affected. Whether male or female, young or old, the effects of sexual abuse are often crippling, particularly if the abuser is a parent or a family member. No matter how young they are, children inherently understand that their parents and family members are there to protect them, not abuse them. The obvious fallout from such experiences manifests itself as sexual problemsin later life, huge issues over trust, and hypervigilance (anxiousness, on the constant lookout for threats). Because the person is victimised and normally too frightened to react, or too small to fight back, (or even told that such events are “normal but secret”), they will often take up the identity or archetype of the victim. This can often lead them on to other victim-identified lifestyle choices such as alcohol or drug dependency or poor choices when it comes to choosing suitable life partners resulting in continued abuse. This of course, is all bad enough.
However what surprised me the most when I started to work with sexual abuse clients is that they themselves carried the energies of guilt and shame, along with feelings of dirtiness and of not being deserving of the good things in life. I wondered why this was the case, as these clients had not done anything wrong themselves and had nothing to feel guilty aboutat all. Initially I saw that a huge distortion had taken place within the remembrance of the event.
One lady in her mid forties told me that she felt so ashamed of herself, and had always carried feelings of stupidity and weakness because she felt that she should have been able to a) stop the abuse from happening by physically pushing her abuser off her, and b) get out of the room the abuse took place in. We talked about the event itself and my client told me not only was her abuser old, tall and grossly overweight, but that she was locked into the room AND she was only four years old! My client had a daughter aged five. I asked her if she thought her daughter could wrestle an abuser off her and escape from a locked room. She replied, “Of course she couldn’t!” I asked why then, she believed that she should have been able to do this. She looked at me blankly and just said, “I’ve never thought about it like that. I have always felt bad that I couldn’t do anything about it.” So this was food for thought for my client. Sadly, I have heard the same story many times over. Guilt also results from any pleasure which may have occurred during the sexual experiences. But as I point out to my clients, our sexual organs are made to respond to stimuli. It is entirely natural to feel pleasure; so again, there is no need to feel guilty.
But as I worked with more and more clients, I saw that the shame, guilt and self hatred were deeply ingrained and that they were huge barriers to healing and occurred no matter how much understanding the client had. And then during a healing session with a client one day I came to understand why such emotions are so prevalent to those who suffered sexual abuse. I discovered that in most cases, during the sexual act, the abuser energetically “dumps” his guilt and shame onto his victim, so he does not have to feel or deal with those distasteful emotions. So the shame and guilt the clients were feeling were not actually their own shame or guilt! But because that energy was residing within their energy field, they interpreted it as their own, and took ownership of it. Once I started to educate the clients that this energy did not belong to them at all, they were very keen to rid themselves of it, and they made great progress as soon as it was removed from their energy fields.
Sexual abuse affects a person on all levels of their being. The conscious, subconscious, unconscious, energetic, emotional, mental, physical levels are all affected. In addition, the soul or spirit is also affected. Soul loss usually occurs as a protection mechanism while the event is occurring. Afterwards the abused will be “less than” – reduced and numbed in some way. This actually occurs to help the person cope with what has happened to them, or what sadly continues to happen to them. (Please refer to my articles on soul loss and soul retrieval for more information on this subject). But of course, in order for true healing to take place, once the emotional, mental, energetic and physical aspects have been healed, soul retrieval is necessary to return to the Self back to wholeness.
I have found that once healing is addressed on ALL the affected levels of a person, (including carrying out Inner Child work) my clients soon make huge leaps towards becoming the fulfilled and happy selves that they have always had the right to be. Over time, a new identity is created, more positive lifestyle choices are made, abusers are forgiven and forgotten and new lives and dreams are forged and achieved.
I am confident that shamanic healing is perfect for healing the effects of sexual abuse, as shamanic healing works on all levels of a persons being. I have been incredibly honoured and humbled to witness my clients’ journeys to address their healing needs and turn their lives around. If you have been affected by sexual abuse, please know that there is nothing for you to feel ashamed about. Nothing at all. It may feel difficult to consider speaking to someone about your experiences. You may have kept your experiences secret all your life – many people do. It takes courage to speak up – but healing cannot take place all the while you hold onto your experiences – and suppressing such energy eventually takes a huge toll on your body and can lead to depression and/or health problems. You deserve to be free, happy and fulfilled in your life. This is as available to you as it is to everybody. We cannot often control the things that happen to us in life, but we certainly do not have to carry our burdens with us throughout life. A friend of mine has a favourite saying by Carl Jung which I love. It goes as follows,” I am not what happened to me; I am what I choose to become.” What will you choose to become?
Dawn Paul’s book is being published by O Books in December.
ISBN: 978-1-78099-355-3, £9.99 / $18.95, paperback
EISBN: 978-1-78099-356-0, £6.99 / $9.99
Out in December 2012