Your Freudian Psychoanalysis . . . in five hours, not five years

Nov 9th, 2017 | By | Category: Articles, Psyche Books

How grown-up are you? Answer Yes or No to the following statements

Do you always act like an adult or do you sometimes behave like a child?

Yes /No

1. Do most people seem to be more mature than you are?

2. Do your friends regard you as someone they can rely on?

3. Do you feel resentful if you can’t get your own way?

4. Does it sometimes feel as if there is nothing new in the world?

5. If you get the chance, do you like to sleep for long periods of time?

6. Do you usually think about the consequences of your behavior?

7. Do you usually arrive on time for appointments?

8. Do you still have, or do you wish that you had, some of your childhood toys?

9. Are you easily swayed by other people’s opinions?

10. Are you responsible with money?

11. Are you easily distracted away from a task that you have to do?

12. In an ideal world, would you like to have everything done for you?

13. Do you enjoy the challenge of responsibility?

14. Are you someone people turn to for advice?

15. Do you get very excited about new ideas?

16. Do you enjoy being the center of attention?

17. Do you enjoy being pampered?

18. Do you sometimes cry when things go wrong?

19. Do you prefer savory foods such as olives, cheese, and nuts to sweet foods such as cookies, cake, and ice cream?

20. Do you frequently change your mind?

Interpret your score

Give yourself one point for each answer that matches the key:

1. Yes

2. No

3. Yes

4. No

5. Yes

6. No

7. No

8. Yes

9. Yes

10. No

11. Yes

12. Yes

13. No

14. No

15. Yes

16. Yes

17. Yes

18. Yes

19. No

20. Yes

0–4 “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” These words could have been written especially for you, as you nearly always behave like an adult and take even small things seriously. Even when it would be natural for you to do so, you don’t always find it very easy to behave like a child.

5–10 For most of the time you are like a sensible pair of shoes— loyal and dependable, come rain or shine, no matter what the terrain. That’s why most people who know you regard you as a responsible and trustworthy adult. What they don’t see is that sometimes, when you’re under extreme pressure, for example, you’re inclined to vacillate—more like a pair of flip-flops.

11–16 Adolescents are well known for wanting to do their own thing and to make their own decisions—and for expecting to find the fridge full of their favorite foods when they get in late at night. You’re a bit like this: grown-up most of the time, but when the going gets tough you’re capable of shifting responsibility onto other people.

17–20 When the writer J.M. Barrie created Neverland, he populated it with characters such as Peter Pan and Wendy, Tiger Lily, Tinker Bell, and Captain Hook. It seems that you too are quite often to be found in Neverland; unlike Peter, though, you only occasionally regress to being a child and are not intent on remaining one.

Regression—going back in time

You only have to see an adult engrossed in a Harry Potter novel, mesmerized by a display of toys in a department store, or riveted to the screen of a games console to know that being a child can be an attractive option. According to Freud, our adult life is built on the foundations of childhood and the more pressure we are under the more we are likely to use the defense mechanism of “regression,” unconsciously becoming like a child to avoid facing what we feel we can’t deal with.

Back to childhood

From time to time we all regress. Examples of regression include throwing tantrums, bursting into tears, and losing our temper. Thumb sucking and nail biting are seen by Freudians as regressions to the oral stage of development when, as babies, we tried things out by putting them in our mouth. By the same logic, taking to bed and adopting the fetal position is a regression to the womb.

Many people feel like children when they have to see their doctor or when they meet a head teacher. Being physically ill leads to regression and, in this case, we may need to be nursed like a baby. A special case of regression is argued to occur in the eating disorders of anorexia and bulimia. In the first case, extreme dieting keeps the body childlike, so that feelings associated with adulthood and adult sexuality are avoided; bingeing, in contrast, is a way of looking after yourself in a very oral way.

When a person lies on the analytic couch, a therapeutic form of regression is induced because by doing so they are partially relinquishing control of their ego. This makes it easier for them to access earlier phases of their life and to see how the “child” in them is intruding into their everyday life.


Your Freudian Psychoanalysis . . . in five hours, not five years

by Anthony Dugdale
Love him or hate him, we are all intrigued by Sigmund Freud. His brainchild, psychoanalysis, is expensive and time-consuming, but readers of this indispensable alternative can save a fortune over conventional analysis. Discover through 28 cheat-proof questionnaires how to analyse your dreams, measure the strength of your ego, and decide whether you have an oral or anal personality, an Oedipus or Electra complex. Find out why some people become gynecologists and others executioners; why Freudians think ballet dancers and those who watch them are perverts, except in name; why people campaign to save the whale, dye their hair, enjoy hurting themselves, shift blame onto other people, choose unexpected partners, become vegetarians, wear flashy ties, suck their thumb, choose bread-making as a hobby, or believe in magic. If you’ve ever reflected on the influence of your childhood, wondered what your dreams might mean, or are on a quest for self-knowledge, lie down on the couch in the pages of Your Freudian Psychoanalysis . . .in five hours, not five years and you will emerge with a whole new understanding of yourself.

  • Paperback £11.99 || $19.95
  • Dec 14, 2012. 978-1-78099-763-6.

One Comment to “Your Freudian Psychoanalysis . . . in five hours, not five years”

  1. Lydia says:

    This quiz was so interesting! Thank you for sharing it on Monday Blogs. I learned a lot about myself. 🙂

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